Ducks Caught In The Wind

Butts Arrested in Boob Murder

This is the strangest news headline I have ever seen...
I know murder is horrible and shouldn't be funny, but
even though it's a terrible thing, you have to admit the
headline is odd and... well, funny. Poor Samuel Boob.

BUTTS ARRESTED IN BOOB MURDER

POTTER TOWNSHIP, CENTRE COUNTY - Police have arrested a third person in connection with the murder of Samuel Boob.

Boob was shot and killed at his home in Potter Township, Centre County, on the morning of August 23rd, 2009.

Kermit Butts, 26, of Madisonburg, is accused of driving the suspected killer to and from the crime scene on the morning of the killing. He was charged with aggravated assault and assisting a murder suspect and placed in the Centre County Prison.

Police believe that Butts drove Ronald Heichel to the Boob home and picked him up later in the day on August 23rd, 2009. Police believe Heichel shot Sam Boob twice with a shotgun and killed him. Heichel was charged with 1st degree murder.

The victim's wife, Mirinda Boob, is accused of working with Heichel to have her husband killed. Police say they have text messages that were sent between her and Heichel, proving that the two were working together to kill Samuel. She has been charged with conspiracy to commit murder.


SOURCE

You have to have humour to work in maintenance...

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never

let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'

pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)

by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an

accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

+++

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

+++

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

+++

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

+++

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

+++

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

+++

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

+++

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

+++

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

+++

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

+++

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

+++

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

+++

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

+++

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

+++

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

If Facebook were like Real Life

Obesity Competition

To honour International Women's Day, a shopping mall
in Shenyang (in China's Liaoning Province) held an
obesity competition.

I am amused (and horrified) by the fact that of all
the ways to celebrate women, the organizers picked
excess fat and a reduction in life expectancy...

Strawberry Bus Stop

Why isn't this outside my home?

.

Stop Motion Animation

This was a classic case of beginning reading twitter, then ending up going through half a dozen related tweets and people, and spotting this video recommended amongst them. Oddly enough, my guides (girl scouts) did some stop motion animation with plasticine only the other week, but this is really great.

The seller has been included with the shipping fee!

Hey guys!
I was trawling Ebay for a kelly green cardigan
today when I found this gem.

Great deal. Special offer. One time only.
THE SELLER HAS BEEN
INCLUDED WITH THE SHIPPING FEE!





The problem is... I've noticed that shipping is FREE.
Now, does this mean I get the seller for free, or does it
mean the seller is not included because there is no fee?

If the latter applies, then I call bullshit.
Way to get my hopes up, false advertising!!!

Fighting Your Moral Decay With Censordyne

I don't know if you guys know about this, but the Australian Government is spending $44 million on a "safer internet for Australia". They're trying to put into place some great big censorship which will PROTECT the wee babes of Australia from accidentally clicking onto something untoward when their parents aren't supervising their computer time. Yes, that's right. First, they're stupid enough to think that they can censor the internet and that the rest of us won't find some way around it, but secondly, they're dumb enough to spend $44 million creating an "internet filter" which will be rendered ineffective approximately an hour after it's finished, due to the ever-changing nature of the internet. Waaaayyyyyy to go, Australian Government. Of course, being Australians and living in a country that is utterly perfect, we have absolutely no need for that $44 million to be channelled into something useful, like, I don't know... upgrading medical facilities, looking after our elderly, getting kids off the streets, improving education, helping the homeless... We don't have problems like that in Australia, you see, so we have to spend all of our hard-earned dollars on creating a filter for a problem that we don't have.

Sarcasm aside, there's a FANTASTIC website that really puts into words how Australia really feels about the whole debacle. Ladies and Gentleman of the Internet, I give you:

CENSORDYNE.

Before we had the internet the world was a peaceful and safe place. Now with the internet it's mean and nasty.

Some sources tell us that the boogy monster actually lives in the internet.

From dentists, to news sources, to private conversations, there is plenty to be scared of online.

But don't worry, here at the Federal Government we have been working hard to protect you from the internet and that's why we've created Censordyne.

The internet is an amazing place. But here at the Federal Government we think it's a little too amazing.

That's why we've developed Censordyne - a mandatory way to censor the internet.

Censordyne lets the Government decide what you can and can't do online. From what you buy to how you communicate and even what you read.

Censordyne, developed in our secret Internet laboratory:

Offers protection against fast Internet
Is mandatory, for a cleaner feed
Reduces your democratic protections
Pretends to fight moral decay

All with a fresh multi-million dollar flavour.

Sourced from an email

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to
ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

Do you remember when you were a kid; playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in the world did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or faq's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say"

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!


Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this.It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@stard before dinner.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get p1ssed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


-------------
- PAMMY

The wonders of the pentatonic scale

Neuroscience and music colliding.

I so want to try this out.

Typography

Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.

STFU, I'm Laughing

I have never been quite so entertained in my entire life as I have been this last twenty-four hours, having discovered such gems of websites. Oh my dear lord.

It began with Josh Groban's twitter feed and one of his latest tweets (cos me and Joshie G are "like this"). It was simple. All he did was post a link: Awkward Family Photos Nearly died laughing. Cannot tell you how much time I spent laughing at all the photos. I think it's the denim photos, especially. There's one of a couple looking lovingly and erotically into each other's eyes, and the denim jackets that they're wearing are just revolting. Oh my god, funny.

Then, my brother linked me to this: Passive-Aggressive Notes Holy hell! Hilarious! I mean, there are the normal type (normal type?!) of weird notes, which are badly spelled, not punctuated at all and just plain crazy, but then, there are also passive-aggressive notes from people that you can just tell are normally very reasonable people but have been pushed over the edge. I especially liked the SMS about the alarm clock. That was very clever.

All of these websites tend to link to other websites, of course, and then I discovered these:

STFU, Believers A collection of screen-shots that people have sent in, where crazy religious believers have plastered their beliefs all over their Facebook posts.

STFU, Marrieds The same thing as above, only with Smug Marrieds (to quote Bridget Jones' Diary), or people who are so smug in their relationships that they may as well be married. Be warned - it's nauseating.

STFU, Parents The same as above, only with Facebook posts from people who used to be interesting but now have babies and like to update their statuses about their babies' poo.

I feel that these three are a little more genuine than the next two, due to the comma thing.

STFU Jezebel Apparently this blog makes fun of a blog called Jezebel. I have never encountered Jezebel. Am I missing something?

STFU Marrieds With Babies And this blog... Well, this blog is empty altogether! Sadness...

And this blog's header made me laugh. It's called: STFU, I BLOG ABOUT ANYTHING I WANT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

No, no, thank YOU very much.

Enjoy.

xoxo
Pam

Derren Brown

Some of you might be familiar with the British illusionist Derren Brown, perhaps because I might have subjected you to youtube videos or articles. He has turned his hand to stunts from psychologically influencing a group of business people to take a toy gun and hold up a bank security van in a street on a whim, to a seance, where you forget he's telling you what utter tosh it is, because you too get wrapped up in the trick. He even went to America, where he was unknown, and tricked alien investigators, psychics, and religious groups. Its all fairly intellectual with a slant of humour, and he's easy on the eye to look at.

After discovering my boss was almost equally fanatical about the man, we have also subjected colleagues to the amusement of his blog (in a similar way to Team Supahero, it is blogged by a team of people including Brown). One of his more amusing posts of late was a video from his dressing room. A proud owner of the Iphone and an mac air, he also, as you will find, does a mean impression of Stewie from family guy while in the fridge...

His Blog
Art site - he paints very individual portraits

Buffy vs. Edward Cullen

Okay, as a Buffy fan, this amuses me to NO end. Zomg.



- MEGHAN

Harry Potter The (Unofficial, Not-For-Profit) Musical

I really shouldn't be enjoying this ... but I am. I'm only up to Act 1 Part 4, and it is hilarious. Cleverly written, brilliant characters, and "awesome" songs.

Harry Potter The Musical Act One Part One

I would have posted the video, but:
1) I don't know how coz I've never tried; and
2) I don't have a YouTube account because technically I'm not supposed to watch YouTube videos at home because our monthly download allowance doesn't stretch far enough between six people and six computers.

Hipster Olympics

A gift from Natalie and I. Because hobos are the new unicorns.



- MEGHAN & NATALIE

BoonOakley.com

Greetings from web company land. Want to see a novel way of using youtube? Why not put your whole website on it. Yes, host it on youtube.

Don't believe me?

BooneOakley.com

Creative media agency Boone Oakley have their whole site as videos on youtube. To add to this rather inventive presentation, they also have quite a humourous presentation of their creative talent, even if I haven't a clue what "The One" show is. (In the UK, "The One Show" is a weekday television programme on live at 7pm, by the BBC covering topical issues!)

I do wonder if the site will survive or die to internet hype....

Spam/junk mail

My friend Nick over here (currently offline - he's rebuilding it - bloody web designers) made me laugh recently when he responded to a few spam emails that he'd received recently, in which the sender promised him millions of dollars if they could only borrow his bank account for a little while. Well, I decided to keep track of my spam emails for a week or so and see what arrived. Unfortunately, nothing too interesting arrived (except for hundreds from an application on Facebook called "SpeedDate" - I don't EVER remember adding THAT), but these following emailers obviously have their hearts in the right place:

From: Roddy Larson
Subject: 1 week - 2 kilos off
Content: You'll tap any woman you want [link]

From: Minna Cardenas
Subject: Powerful growth formula
Content: Deeper penetration possible! [link]

From: Theodora Locke
Subject: Where her happiness lies
Content: You can notice: gray hair, wrinkles on your forehead, glasses for reading, the worst thing is ED! [link]

From: Desmond Robertson
Subject: The best thing is your wonderful drilling mastery in an hour after taking!
Content: New discounted pilules everyday. [link]

From: Joseph Roach
Subject: Get smashing love power
Content: Make your volcano erupt more lava [link]

Hilarious to me.

What I want to know is - what's E.D.?

Exhibitionists

Imagine driving along the road, minding your own business, when this happens...